Sticks and Stones: Communication in Relationships

Premarital Communication

That little rhyme about sticks and stones is pure misinformation probably devised by denial and sustained by hopefulness. In reality if your partner said, “You’re stupid and your opinion doesn’t matter” then chances are you’ll be hurt pretty badly. These types of words are direct and overtly inappropriate. However, it is more subtle forms of communication that can be equally an issue. Premarital counseling is like a preventative step that helps to fill the gaps within your relationship. Here’s an example:


You tell your partner you’re feeling really nervous about an upcoming court date and that you’re really pissed you got a ticket in the first place. Immediately after you spill all of your anxieties to them they respond by trying to fix your anxiety with remedies or even worse they scold you for speeding in the first place. It isn’t that their response is “bad” it’s simply not the response that’s best for you.


Your relationship pre-marriage (i.e. dating and engaged) may not reveal noticeable problems that need to be resolved, in fact you may have be so smitten with your partner that you bypass anyone all negative feelings about your problem-solving “sweety.” However, over time miscommunication, not feeling heard, feeling under appreciated can slowly grow into concerns.


In premarital counseling we do not make things into a problem. Instead we identify strengths and growth areas of each individual specific to your relationship dynamic. It is not about “good” or bad” rather the focus is on sustainability of your partnership and filling the gaps in your relationship that you’re both interested in addressing prior to making a lifelong commitment. Premarital counseling is meant to be fun and enlightening for all parties involved. Maybe you’re problem solving “love bug” learns that you’d be equally pleased with just a listening ear to vent normal life annoyances… like speeding tickets.


Find out how to address communication within your relationship.


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